The Easter Snake

My wife likes to have little traditions and one of those is having family over on the holidays. So, typically, we have my parents over since they live about 5 minutes away from us. For this Easter meal, Nancy let my mom decide on the meal. My mom very enthusiastically requested hamburgers off the grill. I guess she liked them the last time I made them. Who were we to argue with the request. It was an easy meal to prepare, very little cleanup, and I had to do the cooking :)

Well, Nancy decided that we needed corn on the cob and cake to round out the meal. She crafted a cake in the shape of a bunny using two round cake layers. I hope to update this blog entry with a picture once I get it off the camera.

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Originally uploaded by rharkness.

So everything was going smoothly. My dad sat outside and shot the breeze with me as I cooked the burgers and the corn. If you haven't enjoyed corn on the cob off the grill, try it. It is absolutely fabulous. While I was cooking and Nancy was finishing things up inside, my mom went out front to take a quick smoke (we don't allow her to smoke inside).

So, fast forward to us sitting at the table eating.....

There we were eating our meal, when my mom mentions, "Oh, by the way, you have a huge rattlesnake in the bushes out front." I respond with, "How do you know it's a rattlesnake? Did you hear it's rattle?" She answers with, "No, I saw the diamond pattern" and she proceeded to stretch out her arms to indicate that the snake must've been about 5 feet long with a diameter equivalent of a 2 inch pipe. Surely, she must be exaggerating.

My dad was saying that if it wasn't for the multitude of kids and animals in the neighborhood, you would just let it go on it's way, but since we don't have that luxury we have no choice but to kill it. He told me to just take the hedge clippers and cut it in half. I'm thinking to myself, "Where is Jeff Corwin or Steve Irwin when you need them? Because I don't have hedge clippers and I don't know how reliable my aim is with swinging a shovel." If this thing is really as big as my mom is saying it is, I'll never get close enough with any kind of death blow instrument before it takes me out below the knees.

Despite the fact that I hold the mantle of "Killer of all things Creepy" in my household, just like Indiana Jones, I HATE SNAKES! I had a couple close calls in my childhood involving snakes. One such incident involved me, the side of a giant rock, a coiled copperhead and 6 inches between our faces in the North Carolina woods. If it wasn't for the fact that I let go of the rock and fell to the ground, that sucker would've gotten me for sure.

But, I digress. So here I am, eating my meal, followed up by dessert just praying this snake will go on it's merry little way.

Well, after dinner, dad wanted to see this giant snake. Nancy requested that I put something on my feet, so I just slid on my sneakers while my dad just went out with his socks on. We were two fearless hunters tracking down the giant snake. Well, my mom was out there smoking and said, "It's still there." I asked her to point it out, and I looked where she was pointing. So I go around the bushes where I had the closest vantage point and my dad was with me. I point to an object the bushes and asked her, "Is this the snake?" I got an answer in the affirmative. I knew what I was looking at, but I wanted to make sure that I wasn't wrong and looked around carefully and then proceeded to reach out and grab it and asked my mom, "This?" She said yes.

It was a giant metal stake. The stake was the kind landscapers use to keep trees and giant shrubs from toppling over. This particular stake was the one put in after my crepe myrtle blew over the first week after moving into our new home. About a year ago, I pulled it out and tossed it aside. The rust pattern was perceived as a diamond pattern and there was a slight bend in it from my having to pry it out of the ground.

So, from now on, that metal stake is referred to as the "Easter Snake"