Mall Detox

For those who don't know me real well, you'll probably be shocked to know that my wife and I have had quite a run with the LDS lifestyle.

In regards to my involvement, it slowly snuck on me. I started hanging out with some people that introduced it to me and let me try it for free. Next thing you know, I'm hooked and cannot quite leave it behind. It's amazing how many people, on LDS, are out there. They could be your neighbor, your family member, or even your co-worker. There are some tell-tale signs but you have to look for them. One such sign is as a strong desire to tell you about their cool older brother.

My wife on the other hand was born into this lifestyle. She really didn't have much of a choice on what direction she went down. She tried a few times in college to escape her dependence on LDS by smoking and drinking at college contrary to her university's co-dependant attitude.

Well, as of today, we are 2 years LDS free. We are on the wagon. Our footsteps felt lighter having gotten that giant monkey off our backs. Nancy had a harder time kicking the habit since she has been living with it her whole life. Giving up certain things, even though she didn't feel they were bad for her, was hard to give up because it was such a part of her. But she has slowly gotten over those things. Her mother introduced her to the sweet nectar of the vine and her sister helped her broaden her appreciation of the libation. On top of that she's learned that shorts come in lengths shorter than knee-length. I've been told that clothing can be liberating and therapeutic.

But, my female sources have told me that nothing is more therapeutic and liberating than shopping. Hence, the topic of this blog entry.

Here in Texas we are experiencing the annual ritual known as Tax Free Weekend. Anything clothes or other back-to-school related items costing less than $100 would be sold minus the sales tax.

We went to the mall on the premise of getting me some clothes for our trip to DisneyWorld in September. Since I only own 1 pair of shorts and an array of t-shirts my wife hates, she felt it was a good time to buy some clothes and save 8.25%.

Well after a fruitful trip to Old Navy, the official outfitter of Team Ray, we wandered the mall to try and find Nancy some new shoes for our Disney trip. Well, as luck would have it, we couldn't get to the Lady Footlocker without passing by that bane of the dyed in the wool, balls-to-the-wall, hard-core LDS user’s existence......Victoria's Secret (what is her secret anyway). Nancy turns to me and says, "I want to start wearing some strappy tops, and that means I need a strapless bra, should I buy at Victoria's Secret or Dillards". I told her to buy wherever she can get the most comfortable bra. So Victoria's Secret it is.

Now I'm a man who always was turned into a blithering idiot around pretty women and even more around pretty women in sexy lingerie. So for me to walk inside Victoria's Secret is like hanging a lump of Kryptonite around Superman's neck. Where do I avert my gaze? It's hard to walk around looking at one's feet. Needless to say, my wife found two bras that she liked and it was off to find tops to go with them. After all, a woman can't just buy one item of clothing. It must be accessorized. What better accessory to a new bra, other than a matching pair of undies, than a new top?

After all that looking I have these things two things to say .....

1. My wife has a great set of shoulders which all this time have been hidden underneath those sleeves all these years, and
2. They need more man chairs in women's clothing stores.

Well, that is my story of our day of detoxification at the local mall, or what I more aptly like to refer to as the de-mormonification process